Murphy's Laws of Battle for Grunts
Murphy's 1st Military Law:
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
Murphy's 2nd Military Law:
No battle plan ever survives first contact with the enemy.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
A. When you're ready for them, and
B. When you're not ready for them.
Professionals are predictable. It's the amateurs that are
Murphy's 3rd Military Law:
Friendly fire ain't.
If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.
Murphy's 4th Military Law:
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer
with a map.
Murphy's 5th Military Law:
The problem with taking the easy way out is the enemy has
already mined it.
There's always a way, but the easy way is always mined.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be
able to get out.
Murphy's 6th Military Law:
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the
enemy somebody else to shoot at.
Murphy's 7th Military Law:
The further you are in advance of your own positions, the
more likely your artillery will shoot short.
Murphy's 8th Military Law:
Incoming fire has the right of way.
Murphy's 9th Military Law:
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you've found
the combat zone.
Murphy's 10th Military Law:
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest
Murphy's 11th Military Law:
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
Murphy's 12th Military Law:
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on
Murphy's 13th Military Law:
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is
incoming friendly fire.
Murphy's 14th Military Law:
There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take
a shot at you, and miss.
Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing.
Murphy's 15th Military Law:
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out
of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
Try to look unimportant. They may be low on ammo.
Murphy's 16th Military Law:
If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Murphy's 17th Military Law:
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the
Murphy's 18th Military Law:
A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow
Murphy's 19th Military Law:
When you have secured an area, don't forget to inform the
Murphy's 20th Military Law:
If it's stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Murphy's Laws of War and other stuff.
Murphy's Laws of War for Helicopters
Helicopter tail rotors are naturally drawn toward trees, stumps,
rocks, etc. While it may be possible to ward off this event some of
the time, it cannot, despite the best efforts of the crew, always be
prevented. It's just what they do.
The engine RPM and the rotor RPM must BOTH be kept in the
GREEN. Failure to heed this commandment can adversely affect the
morale of the crew.
The terms Protective Armor and Helicopter are mutually exclusive.
"Chicken Plates" are not something you order in a restaurant.
The BSR (Bang Stare Red) Law:
The louder the sudden bang in the helicopter, the quicker your eyes
will be drawn to the gauges.
Corollary: The longer you stare at the gauges the less time it takes
them to move from green to red.
Loud, sudden noises in a helicopter WILL get your undivided
The further you fly into the mountains, the louder the strange engine
It is a bad thing to run out of airspeed, altitude and ideas all at the
"Pucker Factor" is the formal name of the equation that states the
more hairy the situation is, the more of the seat cushion will be
sucked up your butt. It can be expressed in its mathematical formula
of: S (suction) + H (height above ground) + I (interest in staying
alive) + T (# of tracers coming your way). Thus the term 'SHIT!' can
also be used to denote a situation where a high Pucker Factor is
Running out of pedal, fore or aft cyclic, or collective are all bad
ideas. Any combination of these can be deadly.
Helicopters have been described as nothing more than 50,000 parts
flying in close formation. It is the mechanics responsibility to keep
that formation as tight as possible.
It is mathematically impossible for either hummingbirds, or
helicopters to fly. Fortunately, neither are aware of this.
L Z's are always hot.
There are 'old' pilots and 'bold' pilots, but there are no 'old, bold'
Any helicopter pilot story that starts "There I was,...." will be either
true or false.
Any of these stories that end with "No shit." was neither true nor
The mark of a truly superior pilot is the use of his superior judgment
to avoid situations requiring the use of his superior skill
CH-47's are living proof, that if you strap enough engines to
something it will fly.